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by John Brian Quinn

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Patriots Coverage

Get the weekend wrap from a fan that isn't afraid to tell it how it is!

david@bornintoit.com

Archive Calendar

"I'm so happy. I'm happy for the fans in Boston, I'm happy for Johnny Pesky, for Bill Buckner, for (Bob) Stanley and (Calvin) Schiraldi and all the great Red Sox players who can now be remembered for the great players that they were."-2004 Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling

"A hundred years from now, how will we make people understand what just happened here? How will we ever make them understand what happened The Year The Red Sox Finally Won The World Series? There was no way they could ever do this the good old normal way. Never. They're the Red Sox."-Jayson Stark, ESPN.com

"We wanted to do it so bad for the city of Boston. To win a World Series with this on our chests -- it hasn't been done since 1918. So rip up those '1918' posters right now." -2004 Red Sox first baseman Kevin Millar

"I dreamt about this day. I said my prayers every night to the big guy: 'Bring us a World Series."-Johnny Pesky, former Red Sox infielder after WS victory

I think if you're Red Sox, well, it's something you're born with, and affection you have."

 - Johnny Pesky

By David Ames

david@bornintoit.com

Superbowl XXXIX

Patriots 24 Philadelphia 21

2004 - 2005 Season, Amsey Analysis-

Superbowl XXXIX

Playoffs Week 3

W 41-27 PIT

Playoff Week 2

W 20-3 IND

Playoff Week 1

Bye Week

Week 17

W 21-7 SF

Week 16

W 23-7 NYJ

Week 15

L 29-28 MIA

Week 14

W 35-28 CIN

Week 13

W 42-15 CLE

Week 12

W 24-3 BAL

Week 11

W 27-19 KC

Week 10

W 29-6 BUF

Week 9

W 40-22 STL

Week 8

L 34-20 PIT

Week 7

W 13-7 NYJ

Week 6

W 30-2- SEA

Week 5

W 24-10 MIA

Week 4

W 31-17 BUF

Week 3

Bye Week

Week 2

W 23-12 AZ

Week 1

W 27-24 IND

Superbowl XXXIX

Patriots 24 Philadelphia 21

Did anyone else watching the game think that Brandin Gorin should have been wearing # 68 with a ‘Lane’ on his back? I was having sweaty flashbacks of Max Lane and his ‘ole’ blocks on Reggie White in the loss to the Packers. Attention Scott Pioli; please draft a right tackle to go along with you great left tackle.

· Jeff Lurie’s wife looks like Elaine from Seinfeld. This brings up my favorite part of the Super Bowl. Celebrity fan shots that no one gives a flying sh*t about. If FOX spent half the time they do finding celebrities and players relatives as they do producing a good football game the world of football would be in a better place.

· Hey look! It’s Will Smith. Oh he’s from Philly? Wow. I’m intrigued.

· When the Patriots threw 2 straight screens to Dillon in the 2nd Quarter around the 8 minute mark, that’s when the offense opened up. Until that time, I was legitimately nervous.
· As I pointed out in the preview, the halftime show was as ridiculous as ever. As avid reader and sign predictor, Greg Smith points out; the Super Bowl is no longer a football game, but a ‘show’. It’s a damn shame that 20 weeks of doing things the same way turn into a production. For the Patriots benefit, Charlie Weis admitted that the extra long halftime allowed him to teach the offense new plays. New plays!? In 25 minutes. That is an unbelieveable example of team unity. While TO was probably talking to his hoe’s on his cell phone at halftime, the Patriots were learning new plays.
· Tom Brady wouldn’t run the football if all 11 defensive players fell to the ground. He’d still want to pass it. Not that I have a problem with the star QB not wanting to risk injury, but sometimes it seemed that taking off for 5 yards and sliding wouldn’t have killed the offense. (Man, I am stretching for imperfections aren’t I!!)
· Mike Vrabel’s touchdown set off about 19 articles in the Columbus Dispatch about the former Buckeye tight end errrr linebacker being a former Buckeye and playing in the super bowl as a former Buckeye. Did I mention that Vrabel played at Ohio State. That’s right THE Ohio State University…. Wait! This just in… Jim Tresell took a dump AND wiped his ass. More news at 11 on this breaking story.
· Romeo Crenel said it after the game, and I’m repeating it. The defensive MVP was Randall Gay who played an almost flawless corner. He was on an island most of the game and played very well for a rookie un-drafted free agent.
· Hey Freddie Mitchell, I am not a professional sh*t talker like you are, so I don’t know how much trash you are allowed to spew with 1 reception for 11 yards. Who knows how much game you would have talked had you completed 2 passes? If you caught 5 balls maybe you could have written a book on how to piss off your opponent’s best all around defender.
· Eat your Chunky soup, Donovan.
· The Patriots are the quintessential example of a bend but don’t break defense. They step up when the have to, but otherwise play a rather conservative all around game.
· Retaining and promoting Eric Mangini should be their # 1 priority. Closely followed by a new extension for Brady, a new contract for Vinatieri, and a take it or leave it 6 million dollar restructured offer to Ty ‘above the’ Law.

That’s all I got that is original. Everything else has been written about, or in the case of the Worcester paper, plagiarized by someone else. It’s been another great season. Tune in again soon for a draft preview!

Superbowl XXXIX Preview

 
Patriots V.S. Eagles

Please allow me to use this disclaimer to explain why I know very little about the upcoming match up. I am, and encourage you to officially boycott all of media week at the Super Bowl. First of all, 2 weeks between the Conference Championships and the big game is ludicrous. There is no significantly relevant reason to prolong the season by an extra week. What is this the NBA? Why not turn the Super Bowl into a best of 3?
Don’t get me wrong, I love the Pats and am ecstatic that they are playing in their 3rd Super Bowl in 4 years. However, I will not believe the media hype, and I also refuse to be a part of it. Yes I do understand that writing this preview would make me part of the problem. But since you’ve all come to live and die by my weekly analysis, I felt obliged to tune you in to the ‘haps’.
The other significant problem that I have with the Super Bowl each year is the pre-game and halftime shows. My major issue isn’t with the “celebrities” that they bring in to perform. I hate them all. That’s not the issue. The issue is that for 20 weeks, NFL players have the same warm up routine, the same halftime routine and generally do everything the same. Then the media extravaganza takes over, and everything is different. Suddenly, their warm-ups are thwarted because they need to be off the field so that Ashley Simpson or some other young slut can belch out their latest hit. The adrenalin is large enough, that delaying the game must be shaving years off of the coaches’ lives. The halftime rolls around. Normally 12 minutes long, suddenly becomes 25 minutes long. This nonsense is just a stage for Janet Jackson to show off her wrinkly old nipples. Don’t you think that Andy Reid wishes that Bill Belichick had 2 minutes for half-time adjustments, not 25? Imagine if for baseball’s game 7 of the World Series, instead of a normal ‘G*d Bless America’ we got a 13 minute Enrico Palazzo style rendition? Wouldn’t this screw up the pitchers, timing, and the general flow of the game? That’s exactly what happens with the NFL and their prolonged halftime. The league had the opportunity after last year’s debacle to shut down the halftime show. Tell the sponsors and the million dollar producers to shove it, and go back to a 12 minute half time like the rest of the season. Piss on Tagliabue for not rectifying this clear and present problem.

Now the preview:

· What in the world is Freddy Mitchell thinking opening his mouth? Did he not learn from Vanderjagt’s comments prior to the AFC Championship? Once again, I had some trepidation about the big game until Mitchell piped up. Now I have no qualms, the Pats are going to smoke the Eaglets. Why oh why try and piss off Rodney Harrison. If I’m Andy Reid, and I’m not because I’m missing about 300 pounds, I pull Mitchell aside and tell him to retract every one of his stupid comments or he’s off the Super Bowl roster.
· I am a Brian Westbrook fan. Hell, I drafted him in both fantasy football leagues I partake in (Thanks for the 3 rushing TD’s). I just don’t see the hype about him. I agree he’s a great back out of the backfield, but not that much more spectacular then say Kevin Faulk. Also it seems that every important rushing situation, Dorsey Levens is in. This week I’ll take the Pats backfield hands down.
· I am rooting for Terrell Owens to play. I don’t think he’ll be 100% and I think a healthy Todd Pinkston would be more difficult for the Patriots to cover then a banged up Terrell Owens who can’t make hard cuts yet. I also would like to see him come across the middle and have Rodney Harrison implant his facemask in Owens knee. Is there a less likeable player in the league then Owens?
· The Corey Dillon vs. Jeremiah Trotter match-up is going to be fun to watch.
· I don’t think the Pats can play the same style defense that they did vs. Pittsburgh and Indianapolis as predicted here in this column. The rush 3 drop 8 isn’t necessary against Philly, and the linebackers are going to have to be more concerned about running backs out of the backfield and tight ends over the middle. I am thinking they are going to stack the box with 7 and make McNabb beat them with his arm.
· That’s it. That’s all I got. Remember don’t fall into the hype trap.

GO PATS
Patriots 34 Eagles 13

Playoffs Week 3
Patriots 41 Pittsburg 27

The Steelers did not protect ‘this’ house…
 

-The following signs have been deemed obsolete by the Patriots domination of the Steelers:
-Plaxicute them (3 catches for 37 yards isn’t exactly a ‘plaxicution’)
-We will protect this house; (which had a Mexican flag attached to it, which makes no sense to me!!, are you protecting the border? Is this game being played in El Paso?)
-15 days till Big Ben goes to Disney (Maybe as a visitor for Tom Brady’s 3rd parade)
- Can’t beat Steelers (There were at least 40 of these original signs around the stadium, including 2 by the people sitting directly behind me. A) You were beat. B) Since you were over the age of 13, and brought a sign to the game, you should have been ejected)
-Not in our house Definitely in your house.

-Ironically, Bill Cowher did the exact same thing that Herman Edwards did against Pittsburgh, and Marty Schotenheimer did against the Jets (besides choke) He played too conservatively. 4th and goal from the 2, you have just rammed the ball down the Patriots throat and are about to cut the lead to 7. Instead you kick the 20 yard field goal, and are down by 11. Being at the game is the only way you could feel and tell that not only the fans were disappointed, but the life was actually sucked out of the Steelers players with that 1 play. Cowher played pussy ball, and paid for it. His team threw in the towel (not the terrible towel, but the proverbial one). The anti-thesis to this would be Bill Belichick running a reverse on 4th and 2 instead of going up by 3 scores with a FG to take a 17 point lead, and ending up with a 25 yard touchdown run by Deion Branch. Like Bill Parcels use to say, and clearly instilled in Belichick, if you can’t get 2 yards, you don’t deserve to win anyways. I guess that’s why the Steelers are 1-4 including 0-4 at home in AFC Championship games under Cowher.
-My dad sitting next to me prophetically called the 60 yard touchdown to Deion Branch on the next play, and I quote “ Weis always goes for the jugular after a turnover, watch this fly pattern”. He nailed it. He’s right too…. Maybe Cowher forgot to watch film on the Pats offense, and subsequently left Deshea Toasty Towshend alone with single coverage against a speedy Branch.
-Heinz Field is nice, and definitely has an intimidation factor, as the fans are rowdy and loud. Most of their fans are pretty knowledgeable, except for the one idiot who said to us as we were walking in “The Patriots Suck, and you suck too”. Good job literate boy. Enjoy the rest of your dark dreary winter living in Steel, and by Steel I mean Sh*t, City.
-Running off tackle was not a favorable play for either team besides the 25 yard run by Bettis and the 25 yard touchdown run by Dillon. The rest of the game, the linebackers strung that play out very well.
-Duce Staley was running around the field yesterday like he had a rope tied between his ankles. He was horrible. Hope you enjoyed 2 consecutive conference championship losses.
- If you go back to my preview of this game, and yes I will toot my horn, the Patriots did do exactly what they did against the Colts. Rushed 3, dropped 8 with the safeties covering deep, the corners covering the out, and the linebackers covering the underneath stuff. The scheme was unflappable. It also helped that Big Ben thinks that Hines Ward is his only receiver until pressure comes. He definitely played like a rookie.
- I thought that Joe Namath was going to ask Bob Kraft if he could kiss him after the game like he did to Suzy Kolber. What the hell was he doing awarding the championship trophy anyways? That would be like the Red Sox winning the ALCS, and having Cal Ripken give them their award? Keep up the great work CBS. I pity all of you who had to listen to Phil Simms yesterday. At least the Super Bowl is on FOX.
- You know it is cold, when farting is the only thing that can keep you warm. I thought I lost all of my toes. 11 degrees, with -1 wind chill factor.
-“I’ve got a feeling….Pittsburgh’s going to the Super Bowl” That song won’t be on a top ten list anytime soon.
-Corey Dillon really is a malcontent. Wait, no. I mean the exact opposite of that statement. With 2 minutes left in the game, and all of us Patriots fans down by their bench, Dillon looked like a kid in the candy store. He was waiving his towel at us cheering and absolutely going nuts. He has been the consummate professional.
- Josh Miller looked like Ken Walter on his first punt. That brought back some haunting memories.
-I think that for the umpteenth time this season, teams forget about the Patriots offense and how good they actually are, and focus on trying to beat their defense. Brady played a perfect Joe Montana game. Stats were not spectacular, but it’s the W that counts.
On to Jacksonville!

Playoffs Week 3

Pregame Analysis

A little Pro Con between my alter egos…….

10 Reasons why the Steelers might win:
10) Heinz field IS hostile, and those terrible (literally) towels are annoying to opponents.
9) The Steelers offense line may be able to push around the undersized ends of the Pats, if Seymour isn’t playing. They are going to be running off tackle, avoiding Wilfork, Traylor, and Ted Johnson up the gut.
8) Since this is most likely going to be a close game, and it could come down to a field goal, Jeff Reed has the homefield advantage.
7) The Steelers 3 wide receivers match up well against the undersized and injury depleted Patriots secondary
6) The Steelers aren’t giving off that ‘we’re booking our plane tickets’ swagger that they did 3 seasons ago. They’re talking like the Patriots do, and are respecting their opponent
5) Having a 1-2 of The Bus and Deuce Staley is better then the 1-2 punch of Dillon and Kevin Faulk.
4) The football gods may want to see Myron Cope, who is worse then Jerry Glanville, but somehow a Pittsburgh icon and is the Steelers radio announcer, see one more title before his time is up.
3) The Steelers linebacking core is as good, if not better then the Patriots. Farrior, Haggans, Foote, and Porter have played like the ’85 Bears with Mike Singletary.
2) Some times even the blind squirrel (Cowher) and his band of loyal followers find a nut
1) Rothlesberger is good enough to find the open man, and if Earthwind Moreland and Hank Poteat are active, there will be open men.


10 Reasons why the Patriots WILL win;
10) Chad Scott is going to have to cover someone if the Patriots play with more then 3 wide receivers
9) I’ll take Adam Vinatieri any day of the week over Jeff Reed.
8) Who would you rather have as your quarterback? Tom 2 Super Bowl Rings Brady, or Ben Rookie and I looked like it last week Rothlesberger?
7) Big game…Whom would you rather have pacing your sidelines? Bill Belichick or choke job Cowher?
6) This time around A) Ty Law isn’t expected to play, B) Matt Light isn’t going to get hurt, and Brandon Gorin isn’t going to have to fill in at a spot he’d never played before C) The Patriots will have Corey Dillon, D) Belichick’s seen them once, and E) Cowher will find a way to do something stupid, make an ugly porn star grimace face, and choke
5) Ted Bruschi got screwed out of the Pro Bowl, and he’ll play like it. James Farrior, the Steelers LB that did make it deserved to be there too, but Ray Lewis, who was making it under the Anthony Munoz, Jonathan Ogden clause did not. Bruschi will prove it Sunday. By the way, the Munoz/Ogden clause is no matter how much your play dropped off in a particular season, if you were a pro bowler 6-12 straight years prior, you automatically make the team again.
4) Phil Simms is the Patriots good luck charm! (I’m using reverse psychology here)
3) I’m going to the game and I AM a good luck charm.
2) Charlie Weis is going to enjoy kicking Dick Lebeau’s butt all over the field, after Lebeau’s defense did a number on the Pats Halloween evening. You don’t think Weis has a game plan to make sure Chad Scott is on the field? Everyone’s talking about running the ball and running it some more. I believe the Pats come out 4 wide, just like they did vs. the Colts in the regular season opener and throw the Lebeau into a frenzy.
1) The Patriots are going to play the same kind of zone that they did against the Colts, to hide their ineptitude at cornerback. This will take away the underneath pass using the linebackers, who will also be able to stop the run. The corners outside, and the safeties will be able to take away the deep sideline routes, and the streak patterns that Plaxico Burress runs.
1A) The Patriots are a team of destiny, and are the next great dynasty in the NFL.

Dave Ames will be reporting live from Pittsburg this Sunday! Which generally means Dave will probably get drunk and rowdy and Sunday's Analysis might be a bit skewed.  We forgive him ahead of time!

Playoffs Week 2

Patriots 20 Indianapolis 3

On to Pittsburgh……

-As soon as Mike Vandersmack, shank, jagt, opened his mouth mid-week last week, I knew the Patriots were going to win. I called up my online gaming agent and bet the balance on the Pats -1.5. An absolute no-brainer. Why do teams that are preparing for the Patriots insist on being stupid? Vanderjagt went to the aquarium, stood at the shark tank window and made faces, only 4 days before he, and his 45 other blue and white clad classmates were going to have to go swimming in that tank. They got the flesh ripped off of them in Foxboro yesterday.

- On the Colts first 2 possessions, they attempted zero passes to their wide receivers. How is this even possible? All of the hoopla surrounding the outstanding three players, (Stokley, Harrison, and Wayne) and they weren’t even pointing in their direction. As long as we’re criticizing Dungy’s staff, why the hell didn’t the Colts go 4 wide, and push the ball down the field. No one has been able to stop them. I know that Pats were preparing for that, but when you have Hank Poteat, (a team member for all of 5 days), rookie Randall Gay, and the Patriots are missing their top 2 cornerbacks, you have to push it downfield.

- Another hammering of the Colts offense….. Is it just me or do their off tackle running plays take about 45 minutes to develop? With a linebacker core as good as New England has, its no wonder that James was getting stuffed all over the place.

- Can we put a moratorium on all announcers talking year after year about the home team in the 2nd round of the playoffs coming in with rust from missing 1 game? Please?? Let’s see this weekend, the Eagles manhandled the Vikings, and they were ‘extra rusty’ from resting their starters down the stretch, and the Falcons and Pats crushed their opponents. Only the Steelers had some trouble. Why is this even a topic? Probably so ESPN can jam the airways with 30 extra minutes a day of Tom Jackson yelling like Michael Irvin and Sean Salisbury and John Clayton can continue to hide their obvious gay lover feelings for each other as they argue like a married couple.

- You heard it here first; Troy Brown will show up with number 30 next season and be ready to start his second career as a D-back. He did a great job yesterday, and with the younger guys like Givens, Branch, and Johnson stepping it up, instead of being released, he’ll switch to the defensive backfield as a nickel back and continue to learn the position. Let’s see…. Brown or Moreland? Brown or Poteat? Brown or Reid? You pick.

-Dear CBS,
Could you please have your cameras ‘pre-zoomed’ to the field level before each play starts? What the hell were you doing? Trying to make every citizen watching the game make an appointment at Pearle Eye Vision centers the next morning? I nearly tossed my cookies watching you douche bags zooming in before every play. Plus, you couldn’t see the defensive or offensive formations until right before the snap. In addition, I really appreciated missing the Patriots second touchdown while you were busy pimping your sh*tty lineup of CSI crap. Then they almost did it again coming out of the next timeout. The NFL should fine the networks each time they do that, because it happened quite frequently during the season.

-I’d like to thank Phil Simms for not being as nearly miserable as he usually is. I’d also like to thank him for brining phenomenal insight to the game with his early game segment ‘Simms keys to the game.’ ‘The Patriots defense needed to be physical and the Colts needed to be prepared for the unexpected’. As opposed to the regular season when the defense needed to be soft and the Colts should not be prepared for anything. Don’t you think that CBS and Simms could have come up with SOMETHING that had some substance for this huge playoff game? Something to the tune of; The Patriots need to be cognizant of Dwight Freeney’s excellent pass rush, and The Colts need to push the ball down the field to expose the Patriots under-experienced secondary? Hmmm??? Sound a little meatier? I thought so. But that’s why I write this article, and Phil Simms gets paid the big bucks to tell you about needing 4 yards on 3rd and 3.

-I think one thing has been overlooked with this whole Bush inauguration thing, and the 40 million dollars it will cost. Since it’s his second term, and he already IS the president, doesn’t it seem a little monotonous to be celebrating again, and re-swearing him in? Couldn’t he be better served actually working on Inauguration day and trying to figure out the deficit, or how the hell to get us out of Vietnam II?

- I wonder if the Steelers will be booking their tickets to Jacksonville early like they did two years ago when they were all packed up and ready to go to New Orleans.

- I wonder if Ben Rothlisberger is crapping his pants after watching Belichick and Crennel stifle Peyton Manning.

- I wonder if Sunday night’s game will even start close to 6:30 PM EST.

- I wonder if we’ll be lucky enough to have Phil Simms doing the game. (Of course)

Playoffs Week 1

Patriots Bye Week

10) New NFL Rule; If it hits 4 PM and there is still 7:30 to go in the game, the network loses its right to air commercials for the rest of the game. Next new rule, If FOX continues to put that stupid arrow on the field stating ‘2nd and 3’ then they should automatically forfeit their right to air games, and turn it back over to NBC. (Hmmmm, maybe that’s not such a good idea). Nevertheless, the arrow has to go along with the blue line of scrimmage. Its made for idiots football on CBS and FOX. As I said last week, if you don’t know where the line of scrimmage is, AND you need an arrow to tell you who has the ball and the direction that the team is going, then just flip the channel to Lifetime for Women, snuggle up with your girlfriend and crack open your Zima.
9) If possible, Dick Enberg talks even slower then Pat Summerall. 10 years ago, I use to really like Enberg. Now, combined with Danny D they could be the worst duo in football. (The worst trio in football is the Sunday Night Crew.) Dierdorf believes that his average audience member is 7 years old, has never seen a football game before, and cares that he played for the Cardinals in the 70’s.
8) Is anyone else annoyed at the ESPN ticker on College Football Saturday with the Corso/Herbstreit picks?? #1, are the necessary, #2, do I give a rats behind who they pick, and # 3, Even I can pick Oklahoma over Southwest Missouri Community College for Music & Performing arts. The worst part about them is that in their College Gameday pre-game show (which in case you weren’t aware of is brought to you by the Home Depot) they pick their upset specials. Then they proceed to pick against their upset specials on the bottom line ticker. I am an even better gambler when I get to pick both teams! In fact I am 100% when that happens.
7) The worst part of the experience was the fact that instead of using the TV announcers (Never thought I’d long for the voice of Phil Simms), we got the local Pittsburgh radio guys, featuring Myron Cope, creator of the ‘terrible towel’. Cope is Pittsburgh’s Gino Capaletti, except instead of having a good voice, and insightful thoughts; he was as loud and rambling as Paul McGuire, with the game intelligence level of Jerry Glanville. Superb combination. Somehow the Pittsburgh faithful love him.
6) Please allow me to get all of my CBS gripes out of the way right now. Be patient, there are plenty of them.

First off, why would they put the worst camera team ever; (how many plays were missed?) with the alleged # 1 announcing team?
Phil Simms had some phenomenal pre-game analysis. The Patriots needed to control the clock and keep their defense off of the field, while the Rams needed to pressure Tom Brady. I would also assume that the Rams needed to score more points then the Pats, and that the Patriots need to pressure Marc Bulger. Also assumed would be that the producers at CBS need to get off the crack pipe and take out their ear plugs and actually listen to what this moron actually says during telecasts.
Another great CBS moment; with one minute left in the first quarter, CBS takes a TV timeout. Then between the 1st and 2nd quarter they take a time-out. Then 7 seconds into the 2nd quarter they take a time-out. 7 seconds later at the 14:46 mark they take yet another time-out. Then to top it off, they miss the kick-off coming back from the CBS news break. They had plenty of time for the commercials, but not enough to get us back in time. Dear NBC, UPN, or even friggin MTV, please out bid CBS at the next open bidding. Or better yet, the NFL needs to take some control over the time-out situation. As popular as the NFL is right now, they could definitely get the dollars that they want, and still put some parameters around the amount of time-outs allowed. Don’t you think advertisers would pay more for a slot, knowing that there would be much less total commercials, thereby increase the focus of the audience?
Lastly, I am so sick of Phil Simms, since the network obviously isn’t going to do anything, I almost wish sometimes that the Pats would start sucking again, just so we’d get the ‘B’ list announcers (who are often quite good!)
5) Note to ESPN…..Why is it that your co-hosts for you asinine show “Dream Job” are the 2 worst announcer/commentator/broadcasters in TV history? Not that I have watched a millisecond of this crap, but you pimp it enough, that its hard to ignore the promos…Steven A Smith, although intelligent and interesting, is the ultimate angry man, and Stuart Scott needs to come with his own Stuart Scott to English dictionary. Somehow, these two are judging the future talent of broadcasting.
4) During a time-out CBS was pimping its ‘4th quarter fantasy football game’ which I obviously wasn’t paying attention to until I saw the fine print. Open for residents of the 50 US States, and Canada, except Puerto Rico and Quebec. Quebec? What’s the matter frogs? Do you not allow fantasy football in your French speaking, curling playing Province? Why just Quebec? I say ban Montreal too.
3) A regular reader knew very well that this week’s wrap wasn’t going to be complete without some serious Phil Simms bashing. I have run out of clichés to describe the rambling incoherent corpse, so I’ll keep it brief. He sucks. Pairing a great announcer like Jim Nance with Simms is like eating caviar and washing it down with Pabst Blue Ribbon.

WEEK 16 2004

NEW ENGLAND 23 JETS 7

Sugar Plum thoughts while wondering what ESPN could possibly over-hype now that the Lakers-Heat game has come and gone, and Manning broke the record.

-ESPN markets itself better then anyone, even to the point of annoying. But it works; I was there like all the other suckers in the country watching what was actually, for the NBA, a rather entertaining game. What I could have done without was the 23 days of hype surrounding 1 game, and the countless Kobe stories. Hence my name for Sportscenter- Lebroncenter or SportsKobe.

-Somehow, once again, Ted Bruschi was screwed out of the Pro Bowl. I defend him even more so then Rodney Harrison, as I am also a University of Arizona alum.
Bruschi is a product of being a great player at a loaded position. The only credibility that the NFL voting does account for (Which MLB does not, and should), is that the player vote weighs heavy on who gets selected. This makes it easier for me to swallow that Bruschi was left off the team. It means that even though as a fan, I think he deserves to go, his peers are saying, ‘you’re good, but not the best at the position in the conference’. I think that’s much fairer then 20 million Japanese fans going on-line and the next think you know Hideki Matsui is in the freaking all-star game. Ray Lewis and James Farrior are definitely deserving. Donnie Edwards, the NFL’s leading tackler for the Chargers got left off too. If there are too many baseball players making the All Star Game, then there are not enough roster sports for the NFL. Here’s hoping that Ray Lewis’ jail sentence starts early!
-As expected, Brady bounced back. All the naysayers and negative nellies out there can just shut their traps. The X factor is how nasty the wind was yesterday, and Brady still looked great.
-As indicated in last week’s column (scroll up), Chad Pennington went out and played one of his worst games as a pro. Memo to the NFL, if the Patriots are the next team on your schedule, go to bed early, stay away from hookers and the media, and shut your mouths. The results when you stray away from hard work, or stray towards media controversy are not good for you.
-I am not an NFL defensive coordinator, but I play one in this article. Has anyone even watched film on the Patriots? When it is 3rd and short, and you are running the ball, should you run to Willie McGinest’s side? If you do decide to run to Willie’s side, does it make sense to put a tight end on that side? If you don’t put a tight end on his side, doesn’t it make sense to at least block him? C’mon Jets! The play last year against the Colts when Ted Washington and McGinest stuffed Edgerin James to win the game has been played over and over again. That’s public film. You have access to thousands of hours of tapes, and somehow McGinest goes unblocked on a crucial 3rd and short in the 1st quarter.
-Hopefully Richard Seymour’s not hurt too severely. His presence is crucial to their success. Since stopping the pass has become somewhat difficult with all of the injuries, if they can’t stop the run well, then they’re in for some trouble. As usual, Bill Belichick is hiding information about the injury to the media, which you got to love. All the other coaches in the league are pretty open about injuries, but Bill manages to skirt the NFL rule about disclosing injuries. Look at Tom Brady. He’s been on the injury report as probable since about week 2. Has there ever been a question about his ability to play through the injury, or whether he is really injured?
-I am looking for people to share in my misery of losing in the championship game of my fantasy football league. My opponent had crap except Tomlinson and Brees vs. the East Side High School Colts defense, and that one 74 yard touchdown pass killed me!
-It is easy to second guess now, but with 5:30 left in the 4th quarter when the Pats were up 16, and faced with a 4th and 1, I believe the play calling was poor. Belichick has confidence in his offense, and that is good, but coming off a game the week before that you blew and 11 point lead late, I think they should have kicked the 3 and gone up by at least 3 touchdowns. 16 point is 2 TD’s and 2 two point conversions (As a good announcer like Phil Simms would tell you). 19 points at that point was insurmountable. 16 was not. The only two reasons I can think of that Belichick went for it was 1) They have been very successful this year on 3rd and 4th and short, and 2) The wind in Giants stadium was nasty yesterday.
-How many NFL teams have roster listed Fullbacks returning kicks? Well, I guess how many teams have roster listed Wide Receivers playing D-back, Defensive linemen playing fullback, and linebackers playing tight end? Who am I to question a team that is 14-2. It would be easier to write about the Clowns and their miserable roster of Butch Davis and Chris Palmer retreads!
Finally, Mr. Smithers weekly sign predictions:
1) "All I want for Christmas: A Real Coach" .. When with the Martz era come to an end?? "Friends" didn't even drag on this long.. Well, maybe..
2) "A very Big Christmas win!" .. No it's not.. Even if you win, you're probably not going to the playoffs, and if you do you're losing in the first round. You got crushed by AZ last week. Enough said.
3) "Marshall Needs the Football more!" Kills every Rams fan, and with good reason. I loved watching Martz try to run his offense with Chris Chandler last week. Meanwhile, they had 22 rushing yards on 10 carries (all Faulk). I'm not making this up. Don't be afraid to change the game plan according to your opponent and your personnel there Mike. Of course, this kind of coaching would apparently make him the best coach ever at USC, ala Pete Carroll.

WEEK 15 2004

NEW ENGLAND 28 MIAMI 29

Thoughts while wondering if Charlie was designing plays for Brady Quinn…..

- My job in this article is to point out the discrete non-obvious points about the prior Patriots game. Discussing Brady’s below average performance would be obvious. What was shocking to me was their play calling on the ‘kill the clock drive’. Yes, 1st down throwing was a good call; the 2 minute warning was coming up. Running on 2nd down was a good call, and the Dolphins used time out #1. But throwing on 3rd down, albeit not predictable was a terrible decision. The Dolphins pass rush was mounting by each down played, and forcing them to use their 2nd time out, it would have given them about 1:30 seconds to move the ball the length of the field. Not for a FG attempt, but they needed a touchdown, would have only had 1 timeout and they have AJ freaking Feeley at the quarterback position. C’mon Charlie. Run the ball.
- The 1984 Buccaneers looked sharp. I mean the Dolphins. Shouldn’t there be a rule that orange jerseys are not allowed outside of Arena or World League Football?

- Is anyone out there enjoying the Earthwind Moreland, Randall Gay, and Troy Brown era at secondary? Troy is the best of the 3. At least Asante Samuel is stepping up to the plate or they’d be playing Ty Warren at D-back. Peyton Manning is probably licking his chops right now thinking about the AFC semifinal round.
- Ok, so when Daniel Graham wasn’t catching well, I could at least defend his pass blocking. That went out the window last night, and I’m not referring to the interception in the 4th quarter, he was supposed to chip block and curl. I’m referring to the rest of the game. What is Weis thinking having him go 1 v 1 vs. arguably the fastest, toughest Defensive end in the league in Jason Taylor? I wouldn’t have Graham go 1 v 1 against anyone.. Why do you think early in the season when the Patriots were hurting at Wide Receiver, he was lined up wide? Then he proved that he couldn’t catch, and at least he could pass block. Not anymore.
- I don’t know about you, but a horse racing movie about a zebra that features Snoop Dogg, is at the top of my to do list in January. So, as I understand, and based on 44 promos through the game, it is coming to the big screen January 14th. That should put it out of the big screen faster then Soul Plane, and on video by March, right?
-I am beginning to think that the Patriots are giving Dillon about 20 carries a night, and spelling him with Patrick Pass and Kevin Faulk to prolong his career. 30 year old running backs are already ‘over the hill’ in NFL terms. If the Pats are serious about keeping him running in Foxboro until he is 35, I believe that resting him periodically is part of their preliminary game plan in doing so.
- I love the fact that Chad Pennington has decided to fight the media, instead of preparing for the Patriots. It seems like every opponent that the Patriots play, they have their own internal strife to worry about, and distractions aplenty seem to surface in the opponent’s locker room. (Jets- Pennington, Dolphins- 1st game Ricky Williams, 2nd game Saban, Chiefs- Larry Johnson, Browns- firing Butch Davis, Seahawks- Koren Robinson’s suspension.)
- Although they weren’t published before the game, Smithers the sign predictor went 0-3 this week, bringing him to 1-6 on the season. Pretty poor performance Mr. Smithers.

WEEK 14 2004

NEW ENGLAND  35 CINNCINATI 28

Quick Thoughts while worrying about how far a patchwork secondary can take this team in the playoffs…..

-I was legitimately scared when the Bengals came out throwing, and throwing successfully on their first drive. Subsequently they pretty much had their way with the secondary the whole game. Realistically any team that loses its # 1 and # 2 cornerbacks for extended periods of time should rightfully be getting pounded in the National Throwing League. Somehow, the Patriots keep on winning.

-Congratulations to Charlie Weis. He definitely earned that head job at Notre Dame. Kudos to him for standing by the Patriots for the remainder of the season. It really shows the type of organization that the Patriots are by being so cooperative and allowing Weis to take care of some of his new and coming duties, while remaining with the team.
- Jed Weaver is not wearing shoulder pads. He’s wearing a 1988 Hyundai Excel on the back of his neck.
-A quick memo for Dick Enberg and Dan Dierdorf. A McDonald’s burger package is not a referee’s flag. I can see how you’d have a difficult time telling the difference being 132 years old, but c’mon. Enberg reminds me of a high school senior girl that I knew. At 18, she was smoking hot and her sh*t didn’t stink. At 26 she was 3 kids deep, fat, ugly, and wondering how her life got there. Enberg in his prime was probably one of the best in the industry. Now its time to hang up the towel, put the bottle of Mylanta away and ride off into the sunset on your Rascal motor scooter.
- A little to the left please Adam. Speaking of Vinatieri, according to a Globe story this week, contract talks are at a standstill. Everyone in New England knows how valuable he is, however, he of all people should know that if the Pats aren’t paying big dollars for a top notch wide receiver, lineman, or defensive end, they definitely aren’t going to do it for the kicker. Take a fair salary and nice signing bonus like Ted Johnson and Bruschi did, and finish your career as a winner.
-Speaking of Bruschi, it seemed like he was in on 800 tackles today. I looked it up though, and it was only 14. (10 solo, 4 assisted)
-While we’re on the defensive side of the ball, Could someone on the Pats coaching staff, specifically the defensive line coach, please tell Richard Seymour to FALL ON THE BALL. This is the umpteenth time in his career that he’s tried to pick up a fumble and run with it, only to realize that he doesn’t have the ball. You way 325 pounds, have hands like stone, and even though you play fullback occasionally, you are NOT a running back. Luckily, the ball bounced around and McGinest recovered it. But had the Bengals continued that drive and scored, it possibly would have been a different outcome.
-Before today, the Patriots only had 2 goal line plays in the arsenal. Play action pass, and Dillon to the left or right. The inside draw to Faulk was genius.
-I know there isn’t a soul in New England who heard the most unintentionally funny comments of the year. Reason being, it was made by Dave Wandstedt, who is now an analyst for FOX. Wandstedt, being the ‘A team’ commentator that he is was blessed to be covering the 49ers vs. Cardinals game. (FYI, my 7 years in Arizona turned me into a closet Cardinals fan, that’s why I was watching.) Sam Rosen his partner was asking Wandstedt what he thought about the swirling rumors surrounding Dennis Erickson and his possible firing from the 49ers organization. Although I don’t have his exact response, his defense of Erickson sounded like he was defending himself from being fired (or resigning) from the Dolphins. He sounded like a 3rd grader trying to rationalize to his mother why he stole a candy bar from the 7-11. Classic.
-And now, for what you’ve all been waiting for: Smithers weekly Monday Night Football sign predictions. If Mr. Smithers doesn’t get 2 out of 3 correct, may his toenails fall off one by one.
A) "Another Blown Chiefs season".
A ton of talent and they can't hold teams under 30 points.. Is it that hard to find a D-coordinator who can figure something out??
B) "McNair Never Fails".
You know you'll see this sign (or something very similar) and someone will actually be holding it up with pride that they thought of it. Added bonus if they have a mullet - the game is in Nashville, so I like the odds
C) "Renewing Chiefs season tickets: $2500 ; Priest Holmes Authentic Jersey: $125 ; Watching Dick Vermeil cry again at the season ending press conference while defending his underachieving team - priceless".
These signs were humorous the first 100 times.. Please stop. Everyone.

WEEK 13 2004

NEW ENGLAND  42 CLEVELAND 15

10 Quick hit thoughts of the week from the Browns game

10)Until I am collecting a check, when I go to a Patriots game, I will get incoherently drunk, so my analysis surrounding what actually went on on the field will be weak at best.
9)I am unsure whether there were more Patriots fans or Browns fans that showed up as burnt orange empty seats at the game

8) Good job college football. You’re dangerously close to being as fixed as WWE wrestling. If every other sport at every other level can have a championship playoff, so can you.

 ABC/Disney/ESPN does a great job at having their hands up Corso’s Herbstreit’s and Mark May’s asses. The three of them ALL agree that the BCS works. Hmmmmmm let’s see. ESPN is owned by ABC which is owned by Disney. So ESPN analyst’s checks are cut by ABC who owns the rights and the dollar power behind the BCS. Corso even had the nerve to say “I saw all 3 teams (Auburn, Oklahoma, USC) and I think the best 2 teams are playing. Excellent. So we have an ex-Louisville head coach who was mildly successful stating who the best teams are. It seems like a friggin’ lab rat could understand that a playoff needs to happen. (And won’t). Please join me in boycotting college football.
7)The Brownies stadium truly is awesome. However, their men’s room situation is as bad as it was the first season of Gillette. That needs to be rectified.
6)If you’ve never had a Panini sandwich, (and if you’re one of those New Englanders who thinks that the western most edge of the world is Pittsfield, you probably haven’t) take one on the next time you’re in Cleveland. Man those are good beer soakers.
5)Before the end of the first quarter, when the Browns were actually getting to Brady, the excellent Pats coaching staff had already made adjustments which resulted in three touchdown drives of over 70 yards.
4)The Cleveland Marriott was nice, but you need to update your computer system. I walked into my room for early check-in at 9 AM only to find people already in there. Me and my friends thought it was amusing. The 50 year old half asleep guy in his boxers probably did not.
3) Please lax the roughing the passer rule. The NFL has gone too soft.
2)Baseball has reared its ugly head again. Has there been a more tumultuous tenor by a Commissioner then the time under Bud Selig? What a piece of crap that guy is.
1) Best jersey seen all weekend- A Browns skin tight Ernest Byner jersey.
***NEW FEATURE ALERT***
Starting next week, avid reader Greg ‘Smithers’ Smith will be guest guessing 3 signs each week that are guaranteed to be seen on Monday Night Football. (Yes, I am aware that this week’s article didn’t come out until Tuesday, it will be out on Monday AM next week). Stay tuned!

WEEK 11 2004

NEW ENGLAND 27 KANSAS CITY 19

Enjoying the win while wondering what kind of drugs his parents were doing to name him Earthwind……

-The last time the Patriots were in Kansas City was 1999. I was at that game. It was not a good day. Vinatieri missed two field goals, including a 34 yarder as time expired. The Red Sox got roasted by the Yankees in Game 4 of the ALCS. Max Lane couldn’t stay in a stance if his life depended on it. Two false starts in the first period alone! This trip for the Pats was much better. On a side note, Arrowhead really is the loudest stadium in the league. That’s what happens when you pack 78,000 fans in one place. That’s fans. Not 45,000 fans and 20,000 people who are there to sip wine, eat cheese and spend halftime hiding in multi-million dollar luxury digs.
-I am not a secondary coach, but I play one in this article. Correct me if I am wrong, but if you are playing a 2 deep zone (Or in Earthwind’s case, THINK you are playing a 2 deep zone), should there be safety help behind you? It was very apparent, and Billy B admitted it after the game that the secondary was hodgepodge yesterday.
They should be thanking their lucky stars that Ty Warren and the rest of the front 7 was able to get very good pressure on Trent Green, while only rushing 3 or 4 guys each passing down. The Chiefs absolutely manhandled the ‘all-pro’ line of Kansas City not only in the rushing game, but clearly with the pass rush.
-Only one complaint on ABC’s coverage. We missed Corey Dillon’s 20+ yard run as the 3rd quarter wound down. Did they replay it? No. Was it good? I have no freakin’ idea. They had all the time in the world to replay it before commercial, or even after they came back. But alas, the almighty dollar wins again. One more complaint. (OK, 2 ABC complaints!!) Priest Holmes wasn’t playing yesterday. If I didn’t know that going in, I definitely was aware during the game because of the 25 clips of him sitting in the sky box. I was hoping they would have panned to him one time, and he’d be double fisting Crown Royal and Coke. I would have thought he’d want to have been on the sidelines with his teammates. But then again, this is the Chiefs, not the team oriented Patriots.
-Was Michelle Tafoya wearing a neck brace or a sweater? Maybe Keyshawn Johnson threatened her along with Pam Oliver, and Tafoya thought that if she looked as though she was already injured, Keyshawn wouldn’t spank her.
- Please explain to me why the Chiefs mascot is a giant rat.
- Considering Daniel Graham is the only first round pick starting on the Patriots offense, could someone let me know why he is such an enigma? It seems for every good play he makes, within 1-2 plays he does something dumb. Last night he made a great 3rd down catch to keep the opening drive alive. Next play-holding. If he’s not dropping balls, he’s getting penalties.
-It was very nice to see that Bill Belichick busted out his Friar Tuck sweatshirt for the game last night!
-I am sad to report that South Carolina and Clemson have declined bowl bids due to their fight on Saturday. How dare they deny us that downright fantastic Continental Tire Bowl match up between the Gamecocks and West Virginia. My bowl season is ruined. Ruined I tells ya!!!! If the douche bags that are running college football really want to fix the postseason, besides actually making a playoff, they’ll only allow teams to play in bowl games that have won 75% of their games. Once again though, that won’t happen. The mighty dollar wins again.
- Ten Ginn, Ohio State’s exciting freshman playmaker should be expecting a 32$ an hour summer job (that he doesn’t have to show up for), great cars, and even less difficult classes. A la Maurice Clarett.
-The Chiefs made a ton of mistakes last night, mostly revolving around their inexcusable penalties. They must have been off sides 4-5 times. I wonder if Brady was on a hard count, or if that is exactly why they are 3-7.

WEEK 7 2004

NEW ENGLAND 13 JETS 7

21 Straight Wins

Thoughts on the Pats and 21 wins in a row, while trying to figure out who is calling the shots for FOX baseball……


10) On the Jets only score of the day, Rosevelt Colvin was clearly held by Pete Kendall. He had his arms on the outside of Colvin’s shoulder, and as seen in the replay, was pulling Colvin’s jersey up. I am not sure if I am more peeved that the officiating crew for missing the call or at Phil Simms for having to hear his asinine commentary that Kendall made a good block.
9) A few quick hit Red Sox thoughts…..The 79 year old grandmother that Chris Myers interviewed knew more about baseball then Tim McCarver ever has…….Speaking of McCarver, unless Al Leiter was shipped to jail, Cuba, or couldn’t stand being in the booth for another second with McCarver, how the hell did FOX decide to keep Timmy Mistake around for the World Series and not have Leiter back? How about Buck and Breneman? Or Buck and anyone who isn’t Tim McCarver……Still speaking of McCarver, can we all chip in and hire someone to rip out his tongue if he ever says the word Nineteen Eighteen ever again in that slow blood curling drawl?.........Rumor has it that the Fenway ground crew is going to install a urinal near the 3rd base bag to ensure that Bill Mueller won’t have to piss down his leg again if there is a game six back at home.…….
8) While I am on a roll bashing people, let’s hammer the officials again. David Patten catches a first down ball, flips the ball out of his hand while looking up on the scoreboard at the replay, doesn’t say a word, doesn’t look at his opponent, and gets a 15 yard taunting penalty. He didn’t even see the Jets player standing there. It’s no wonder that players in the league get so frustrated at the Gestapo headed by Tagliabue. Quarterbacks are over protected, Wide Receivers are overprotected, and players’ feelings are protected by the big bad zebras.
7) I am singling out the call by the Pats at the end of the half, but I think that this carries over for the entire league. Pats up 12-7 after Patten’s touchdown. Math (not my strong suit) tells you to go for two and get up a full 7 points. Pats kick the extra point, leaving them vulnerable to a Jets score and subsequent extra point to lose the lead. I think that this lack of guts could and has hurt teams every now and again. I believe being up 1 or 2 is OK, but if you have a chance to get up 3, go for it. Same with 5 or 6 points, get up by 7. Allegedly all coaches carry the ‘numbers card’ but few seem to live by it, or even go by it. Even though the Panthers missed their 2 point conversion attempt in the Super Bowl, I still agree with John Fox’ call to go for 2.
6) During the myriad of commercials in the 2nd half yesterday, thanks to the quick first half, the Burger King commercial is the one that I found most bizarre. Here’s a company who is getting killed in the market by Wendy’s, McDonalds, and just about anyone else who flips (or microwaves) hamburgers. Yet somehow they’ve attached their tag line ‘have it your way’ to push people to vote. Memo to marketing department; come up with something that is going to drive people to visit one of your mediocre food establishments. Besides the fact that voter registration dates are here and gone, most of the country at this point is fed up with election commercials and can’t wait until it is November 3rd so we don’t have to hear this hubbub anymore.
5) Ted Johnson’s assignment yesterday? Contain Curtis Martin. Not only did he stuff Martin’s rushing lanes, but he absolutely smothered him coming out of the backfield. Johnson was in on 9 tackles (6 solo, 3 assisted) and without watching the game film again, I bet 8 of those were on Martin. Roman Phifer stepped it up as well yesterday. The Pats have what is probably the greatest linebacking core in the league, and not one of them will make the Pro Bowl. (Unless Bruschi finally gets his due.)
4) During the first quarter, when the Jets overly aggressive defense was swarming to Dillon, I couldn’t help but wonder if a misdirection or trick play wouldn’t have caught them completely off guard. Anytime Dillon tried to get outside, there were 4,5, even 6 tacklers ready to gobble him up. I am sure that there a lot of plays that could have stalled the Jets’ over pursuit. It was clear, the Jets game planned to stop Dillon. But all in all, Weis did another super job in calling the game. Not Terry Francona dumb luck, but good solid decisions.
3) Announcer pet peeve of the week; (There was no instance of this on Sunday, but during this season, especially in college and in MLB baseball it happens all of the time.)
You’re watching a game and during a slow period, a trivia question is posted. Before the play by play man is even done reading the question, Joe Colorman is already spouting off his guesses, and within 15 seconds has the answer, and has no problem shouting it out. I have two major problems with this. First of all douche bag, you have the friggin’ answer sitting in front of your partners microphone. I am not impressed at your ability to announce, never mind your ability to read. Secondly, the trivia game is supposed to be for your V I E W E R S pleasure. It’s not your time to ‘shine’ and show the audience at home how smart you are.
Next time you’re watching a game… I guarantee that this will happen.
2) Randal Gay had a hell of a day yesterday. Covering Wayne Chrebet well, and even grabbing a fumble recovery. However, every time I look at his jersey name, I can’t help but feel that he was picked on incessantly as a kid. His last name still isn’t as blatantly obvious as some other terrible sports names. It is good to see that these athletes still made it big, despite their parents taking large amounts of blow before pulling out the baby naming book.- Rusty Kuntz is a crowd pleaser that comes to mind. However hands down, the worst name in sports today has to be Craphonso Thorpe, the star wide receiver for Florida State. Pronounced ‘Cra FON so’, but surely called ‘CRAP hon so’ as a kid. Please email in any other names that you can think of that would fall in this category.
1) The Pats need a full time fullback. I won’t say desperately, as they ARE 6-0. Clearly, Dillon can thrive without a big horse in front of him. Think back to his time in Cincinnati when Lorenzo Neal use to clear holes for him. He is doing a good job running without a fullback today, but imagine what he could do with someone in front of him. I agree that Fred McCrary wasn’t the answer, but neither is Dan Klecko (now injured), Richard Seymour, or even rookie Cedrick Cobb when he gets back.
Hard to complain when you’ve won 21 in a row, but I’ve got to find something to nit-pick about!

WEEK 6 2004

NEW ENGLAND 30 SEATTLE 20

20 Straight Wins

Thoughts while I refuse to mention the Red Sox once in this article…

10- I believe that the Seattle attempted comeback was directly correlated to the lack of blitzing that occurred in the 3rd quarter and early in the 4th quarter. Early in the game, when the backfield got noisy, Hasselbeck was flustered and forced into errors. Late in the 4th quarter, including the intentional grounding fling by Hasselbeck, the Pats brought the house. Belichick took blame for some of the blown plays.

"We had some mistakes and we screwed some things up," Belichick said. "A lot of our problems, I shouldn't say a lot, some of our problems, defensively, are just coaching problems. We just did a poor job. I did a poor job, and a lot of the yards and points they got were just -- I should take responsibility and will take the responsibility."

This lack of defensive pressure is partially what I believe he is referring to.

9- Is any defensive team in the league fooled any more on play action when it is 3rd and a mile? No? Then why did almost every team I see on Sunday run some sort of play action in that situation. Are the linebackers biting? Is it freezing the safeties? Wouldn’t it make more sense to either line up the RB in a blocking position, or have an extra wide receiver? (That is of course you are Ohio State and you’re playing to punt!!)

8- Ty Law has the most amazing closing speed I have ever seen. The 1st quarter interception that he had was miraculous. (Even though he may or may not have been in bounds!) Speaking of Ty Law, did anyone see the MTV ‘Cribs’ episode with Ty? His palace is ridiculous. I won’t spoil it if you haven’t seen it but he has a movie theatre, a grotto, and some sick cars. I wonder which one he was driving when he got in the altercation with the Miami police officer? Also, he has warned John Q Public age 4 to stay away from his daughter because “his baby’s daddy is crazy”. Well put.

7- If you are older then 12 and you make a sign and bring it to a professional sporting event, you should be escorted out, face first. Really? Grow up. Yes, America, we’ve seen every single correct acronym using ESPN, ABC, CBS, and NBC that there could possibly be. ‘Can’t Be Stopped’ very original.

6- It is great to have Kevin Faulk back in the lineup to spell Dillon and for 3rd down receptions. I love his elbow pads but they look like he is ready for some good old fashioned Rockin’ Roller Games! (Remember the theme song? Rock… Rock… Rocking Roller games!!)

5- I liked the announcing crew of Stockton, Aikman, and Collinsworth. OK, liked is a strong word, lets use tolerated instead, but they angered up the blood on at least 3 occasions. (Which I guess for a 3 hour football game is pretty good compared to Phil Simms who angers up the blood every 3 seconds.- Psyched to have him next Sunday vs. the Jets.) The first problem with the crew was their sidebar conversation about whether or not Roger Clemens in the best pitcher ever. Please remember who your audience is gentlemen. Also, if you’re agreeing with Tim McCarver on anything, you should have your microphone silenced. (Quite similar to the way that FOX has muted the inane chatter of that dolt. I know Leiter has gotten more airtime, and I think Scooter has too!) The second issue with the announcing team was their constant mentioning that this is the Seahawks chance to change the landscape of NFL football. Ummmm…. NO. Even though they lost, it is one game in a season of 16. The Seahawks will still make a strong push in the playoffs.

4- Colvin’s personal foul penalty is a primo example of how the NFL is more like soccer sometimes. I was expecting a yellow card to come out. 4th quarter, critical time, and the officials make a bush league call for unnecessary roughness. Colvin was trying to draw attention to Jeramy Stevens false starting. He pushed Stevens down after he moved. Unnecessary roughness would have been if he gave him an Izzy Alcantara to the throat, then pile drove Hasselbeck. All around college and the NFL, players do that constantly. Either make a firm rule about it, or don’t call it when you feel it is necessary.

3- Even though Josh Miller only punted two times yesterday, I have an important point to make to a friend who was happy to give Miller up. (A Steelers fan) He warned me that Miller will out kick the coverage and teams will have big punt returns against them. Yesterday’s 52 yard bomb and subsequent immediate tackle proved him wrong, and continues to make Patriot fans happy. I yearn for the days of Ken Walter only because he was usually good for 1-2 points every week to write about how miserable he was!

2- I think that Christian Fauria borrowed Graham’s hands yesterday. Graham had his Koren Robinson hands out on loaner and gave them back to Koren. There is NO doubt that Robinson is a talent, but I can’t help but wonder how Hasselbeck continues to throw to him, or even better yet, how Robinson remains in the lineup. Wide Receiver has to be the position in this league that is the deepest on every team. You don’t have to look any farther then the Patriots and the flock of receivers they’ve had over the last 4 seasons (with 2 Super Bowls) Brown, Branch, Givens, Stokes, Ward, Kasper, B. Johnson, Patten, Meyer, Looker, Fred Coleman, Glenn, etc. How many drops before the quarterback loses confidence. How many drops before the coach should do something about it?

1- Despite Bethel Johnson’s phenomenal catch down the stretch, and despite Belichick’s silence on why he was inactive last week, I think I have a 2nd idea. Maybe he was behind in learning the plays, but has anyone else noticed his production on kick returns is way down compared to a year ago. It is quite possible that there haven’t been any giant holes for him, but I see him hesitating, something he definitely did not do last season when he was lighting everyone up.

Over & Out- David Ames

Week 4

 NEW ENGLAND 31 Buffalo 17

Thoughts while the Pats go for 19 in a row (While no one in the locker room even thinks about it for 1 second…..)

10) I was a little surprised that in the 2nd quarter when Drewbie looked like the Drew of old and was picking the Pats apart, Romeo continued to send a 4 man rush, and keep 7 in coverage. As soon as they started blitzing, Drew became my favorite character, Mount Sackmore, and the tide turned heavily towards the Pats.
9) The first quarter of that game was as long as a Monday Night Football quarter. It was a CBS commercial dream. Flags, Injuries, lots of time outs!! There must have been a collective executive orgasm somewhere in the studios of NYC. Speaking of Monday Night Football, does it still not amaze everyone that these games start at 9 PM EST? By 9 PM, I mean 9:15 after we get those intriguing coaches interviews, John Maddens fat head bumping Al Michaels out of the picture, and loads of commercials. Isn’t the population of this country heavier on the east coast? They can’t start the games at 8 like they use to? Do they fear that Joe Los Angeles will miss the first 30 minutes of the game driving home on his 2 hour each way commute? Think about it…. You lose 30 min to 1 hour at the front of the broadcast of west coast viewers who start watching late, OR you lose your entire east coast audience somewhere around midnight when the 6 pack flows to the brain and you fall asleep watching the commercials… errrr game. Wouldn’t advertisers pay MORE to have the 4th quarter commercials of a close game say around 11 PM EST and have the whole country watching? Does ABC skew the numbers and advertisers actually think that people are still watching at 12:30 AM EST?
My anger at this topic is that I AM Johnny six pack falling asleep by midnight and unless the Patriots are on, I am boycotting MNF until they move their start time back to 8:00 PM EST.
8) I missed the boat on my prediction last week that Troy Brown may have seen his final days, but I might not have been too far off. With another injury (arm) he could find his way back to the inactive list. With Givens, Patten, Johnson, and Branch coming back soon, that doesn’t leave much room for Troy. (As much as I hate to say it)
7) I was shocked that Tyrone Poole picked off Drew Bledsoe in the 2nd quarter. Not shocked that it happened, just shocked that Drew wasn’t throwing off of his back foot with someone in his face when it happened like most of his interceptions are served up!!
6) Ted Johnson only ended up with 5 tackles yesterday, but he was a ball hawk, like the Ted of old. It was great to see Rosie Colvin playing much more, even though it was at the expense of Willie McGinest’s injury that got him out there. I am surprised that Colvin hasn’t been blitzing more, but instead has been used more as a coverage LB. I know he is probably the fastest LB we have, and Bruschi is a great pass rusher, but when they got him from Chicago last year, I was under the impression that his speed rush asset would be used more frequently. (Not that I am complaining about a 7 sack Sunday!!)
5) I hate Phil Simms. I really do. Liked him as a player, wish his vocal cords were removed upon retirement. Yesterday he said the first intelligent thing I’ve ever heard him say, and he probably got a tounge lashing from the network. “TV timeouts can sometimes hurt your football team now and again”. Classic. Like the pot calling the kettle black.
4) I preached about him last week, and I’ll rave again. Corey Dillon is the real deal despite his 2 errr 1 fumble yesterday. He hits the hole like a tank, picks up the blitz like a fullback and has a true sense of rejuvenation in his play.
3) Is anyone else annoyed at the ESPN ticker on College Football Saturday with the Corso/Herbstreit picks?? #1, are the necessary, #2, do I give a rats behind who they pick, and # 3, Even I can pick Oklahoma over Southwest Missouri Community College for Music & Performing arts. The worst part about them is that in their College Gameday pre-game show (which in case you weren’t aware of is brought to you by the Home Depot) they pick their upset specials. Then they proceed to pick against their upset specials on the bottom line ticker. I am an even better gambler when I get to pick both teams! In fact I am 100% when that happens.
2) New NFL Rule; If it hits 4 PM and there is still 7:30 to go in the game, the network loses its right to air commercials for the rest of the game. Next new rule, If FOX continues to put that stupid arrow on the field stating ‘2nd and 3’ then they should automatically forfeit their right to air games, and turn it back over to NBC. (Hmmmm, maybe that’s not such a good idea). Nevertheless, the arrow has to go along with the blue line of scrimmage. Its 'made for idiots' football on CBS and FOX. As I said last week, if you don’t know where the line of scrimmage is, AND you need an arrow to tell you who has the ball and the direction that the team is going, then just flip the channel to Lifetime for Women, snuggle up with your girlfriend, and crack open your Zima.
1) I think that the most telling stat of the day was yards per pass play. Brady – 9.9 yards. Bledsoe 5.4 yards. New England averaged almost a first down every time they completed a pass. Buffalo put themselves in a 2nd or 3rd and 5, every time they passed the ball and completed it. If you take away the 41 yard touchdown to Eric Moulds, its considerably less then that.

Week 3, Pat's Bye Week

10 NFL thoughts while the Patriots rest up for Buffalo next week!

10) I know that Dan Shaughnessy and Gordon Edes beat this topic to a pulp, so I am only going to say one thing about Grady Francona's obliviousness on Friday night. Please explain to me how the Red Sox can spend 120 million dollars on payroll, and select a bargain basement Building 19 manager?
9) I am glad that I didn't watch ESPN™s production of Charlie Hustle on Saturday evening. (Nor will I watch it when they replay it 100 times in the next 100 days.) Please stick to covering sports, not creating Hollywood productions. You dressed Tom Sizemore up to look like a 70's porno star, not a 70's baseball player. Also, to the owner of the web domain; espnsucks.com could you please hurry up and finish construction of the site? If you can't do it, I have a million things to gripe about with them. Boooooya!!!
8) Is there another player in the NFL that is more critical to the sale of tickets for their team then Michael Vick is to the Falcons?
7) The next 2 thoughts are for the genius network producers.
First, PLEASE get rid of the blue line of scrimmage on the screen. If you are watching a football game and can't either A) remember, or B) are too stupid to know that where the two teams are lined up across from each other is called the "line of scrimmage", then just stick a pen in each of your eyeballs. Use blue ink. It's the same color as that inane line on my screen. Please send this "innovation" the way of the glowing puck.
6) Can we all agree that halftime and pre-game interviews are just an utter waste of time?
Reporter A) "Coach, what do you have to do to win this game"
Coach A) "Well, we have to control the ball, and complete our passes"
Reporter B) "Coach, what do you have to do to play better in the second half"
Coach B) "Well, we have to play better defense and score more points"

Thanks for the incredible insight! I am so glad that I could stare at Suzy Kolber's beautiful sweater kittens errrrrr ugly mug for 15 seconds to hear that dribble spewing out of the coach's mouth. The only time in history that a reporter asked a good question was last year's Michigan vs. Ohio State game when the following question was asked to Lloyd Carr. (Michigan was up a few scores, had the ball with 45 seconds left on their own 40 yard line, and had three time outs left, they took a knee)
"Coach, why didn't you go for another score before the half"?
Carr: (with a shaking head and disgusted look on his face) "Now why would you ask such a dumb question?"
DUMB??? Translation; this wasn't in the script.
5) Randy Moss has one damn good publicity agent. After his touchdowns in the Metrodome, he high-fives some handicapped spectators, and gives them the football. A very touching and nice gesture. Yet somehow this is the same person that tried to run down a cop with his car two years ago. Interesting¦.
4) After watching Mike Bartrum (former Patriot and current Eagle longsnapper/3rd TE) have the most original celebration I've seen in a long time get flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct, it made me think of the worst celebrations in the league currently. Here you go:
3- Anything Terrell Owens does
2- Anything Deion Sanders does (good job with ripping off your helmet for -15 yards 2 weeks ago)
1- Daunte Culpepper- That rolling pin thing he does. The lady who sat behind home plate during the '86 World Series did this while the Sox were pitching. This could be the most annoying thing in the sports world today. If the networks would worry more about replays and less about watching Daunte roll his arms like a homo, the telecasts would be more interesting.
3) If I am going to rip bad celebrations, then I have to give props to the best celebrations
1- The Redskins Fun Bunch in the 80's. True originality, pure entertainment, and they celebrated as a T E A M. Not individuals.
2- The Icky Shuffle
3-Tony Gonzalez football slam dunk. (The original)
4- Lambeau Leap- Nothing better then getting the fans involved
5-Ernest Givens- Electric slide.
2) I am worried that Troy Brown may have played his last game in a Pats uniform. I hope not, but its possible. The depth chart is against him, and I don't think that Billy B. is going to play him just to return punts. That's not how he fields his 53.
1) Realistically, who is going to be able to beat the Pats this year?? The Seahawks in Week 6, looks like their only true challenge!

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